You know how people say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different result? Well, you can call me crazy. For example: My father loves to tell the story of my failed angel food cakes. It’s been over ten years since that disastrous winter when I decided that come Hell or high water I would make a picture perfect cake with the aid of no one, and yet I still can’t live it down.

I spent a week and a half and untold numbers of eggs on five failed angel food cakes. The problem was that although I didn’t have the slightest idea how to make a cake that was raised only by the power of beaten egg whites. I refused to either read the recipe and (here’s the important part) follow it exactly, or accept help from the guiding hand of my father. I destroyed the cakes’ would-be support every time. My dad’s favorite screw up was when I mistook cream of tartar for tartar sauce and decided that it was so disgusting that I left the ingredient out altogether. Needless to say, my cakes experienced major growth defects: none was greater than 2 inches tall.

Every Wednesday I am reminded of my sad, short cakes. You see, Wednesday is my day to test out my new recipes on guinea pigs my dearest friends and I do so through an elaborate meal with several courses. Every Wednesday I become a raving lunatic when I discover the inevitable forgotten ingredient, unwashed but necessary broiling pan, or broken kitchen equipment. Wednesdays are also the busiest day of the week at my work. I know this, and yet I always plan on starting to cook at 5:00 when the reality of it is that I’ll be lucky to get home by 5:30 and then I’ll have to go back to the store to get my forgotten ingredient and then I’ll need to sit and have a glass of wine to calm my now frazzled nerves (Even less possible now because I’ve had to cut out alcohol for the next few weeks due to medical issues). By the time people begin to arrive at 8:00 I am always in a dead panic because out of my four course meal I have so far completed one and a half courses.

One would think that I would learn from this. I could shorten the list of courses (I have four planned for tonight), make some of the dishes ahead of time and reheat them that night (nothing is premade), make simple meals instead of ones that require homemade ice cream when the ice cream maker is broken (I’m supposed to create homemade pasta sauce), I could even just double check the list of ingredients before I leave for work on Wednesday morning (so far I’m short on yogurt, but maybe lemons too)…but I do none of these things. Instead I hope for a reprieve from the laws of physics. If I leave work at 5:00 PM I want to have time to drive from the office to the grocery store and from the grocery store to home and then have a glass of wine and for it to still be 5:00 PM when all that is done. I know that this is impossible, but I bank on it every time. Tonight is tomato night, let’s see how I insane I become.

P.S. Also, my camera is missing.